“The pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.”
He asked her why she loved him. Why him, with all his “bad” traits and history. She just looked at him and thought back at her history and how she manifested various reasons for her right and wrong, good and bad choices, and felt compelled to come up with a reason. And in spite of that compulsion, could merely say, “ Because- I just feel I love you”, and for the first time that seemed reason enough to her, not requiring a justification, because in its existence alone, it was absolute.
Looking back and forth, I have come to realize that reason alone can validate so many factors rational and irrational, that the nonsense in one second can take the form of sense for no apparent reason. Seeing people close to me, seeing how self-absorbed and full of farce they tend to be, I have actually sat and thought why they are the way they are, thinking maybe a reason can provide me with a crutch to being with these people without resenting their existence in my life. Funny thing having found a few of them, I am no-where close to accepting it.
We get twitchy and restless, make mistakes and then at some point regret them, then Google the symptom’s to justify them and come with complicated acronyms with scarier explanations, all of this hard work and big words only to find a reason which isn't so much to explain it to someone else, but its more to provide us with a life support to give meaning to our little existence. We question, oh how we question about a million things:
Why are we on this earth?
What does our life mean?
Why do all bad things happen to good people?
Why did this hardship fall on us when we are law abiding, god abiding and society abiding and not on them heathens?
Why is everything so difficult?
Why does love hurt?
Why do Indian men insist on wearing the ugliest shoes available to men?
Or my nephews favorite why- Why do I have to force him to have milk when I don’t ever drink it myself?
Fair questions all these to be honest. And if one actually sits down and gives it a second, the entire gamut of Sciences, Religion, Self-help books, Life coaches, Disney movies, Terry Pratchett and Politics is structured to provide a reason for one or the other. Now if our entire civilization is working so hard creating such massive institutions to provide a reason, there must be a reason to it. Innit?
Maybe Kurt Vonnegut was right when he said- “Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.”
Maybe sometimes we just have to believe in God, trust in love and hold onto ourselves to survive. I mean, isn't it being too narcissistic when we flatter ourselves in thinking we ought to know the reason to everything? Does it not also entail that we ought to provide a reason for everything we do? Which creates a bigger problem because then we have to be honest all the time, admit to our insecurities and fears and display before others that which we fear to admit to ourselves. Oh what a paradox we live in.
Why do we look for reasons? It’s not like finding one will makes things all rosy, or would facilitate ending it all. Maybe we look for it because for that moment there and further on when we look back, it makes things a little easier. So my nephew would find it the height of injustice to be made to have milk twice a day, but seeing my brother and me as tall, healthy adults, provides him enough of a reason to quell his rebellion in that matter, At least for now.
Another funny thing about reason is we always cry “Why me?”, when things are going pear shaped. Didn't ever hear anyone crying “Why me?”, when receiving a big gift, going for a holiday or rolling in cash. Another justification in favor of the theory that reason in adversity provides a balm, cushions the blow so to speak. This is why the presence of the almighty is never felt more clearly than when in pain.
We are here, we are alive and we will only close our eyes when the time comes. Till then, if a little reason here or there makes living a tad easier, why not? And to be quite frank , I think this is why our ability to rationalize every nonsense is in a never ending supply.
So shit happens, it happens, because ……….it just does.