Just DO IT!

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Every single day for as long as I can remember I get up, and the first thing that pops into my head is my to-do list. Even on a Sunday! Its the bane of my life, as Prof. Moriarty is to Sherlock Holmes, a necessary evil.

I am a big believer in post-its. I think they are best things ever invented after an Ipod. See before I had a smart phone, I'd gone through everything-from a diary to a digital diary, to notes in my bag to a word sheet on the computer, still think post-its just make more sense and look so efficient and yellow.

Its not only for the benefit of getting things done that making a to-do list makes sense, its more about the sense of achievement of taking the first steps to organising, to having a game plan. Whether it be a grocery shopping list or life's big decisions, I've come to realise that since my mother is not around to harangue me to get things done, my lil to-do list is to be given credit for anything that I manage to do in my life.

This friend that I had at university, would take at-least a full day to sit down and sort out her to-do list before starting to study for the exam. She will have all her lil markers, post-its strewn about, sort out her plan of action and then go for it. Makes a lot of sense to be honest. Any action has an equal and opposite reaction, said a really smart guy. Hence anything that we plan to do in our life, has a whole lot of mitigating circumstances, that will affect not only what we do, but what will the outcome be. Thus when there are so many factors affecting our every action, it is only prudent to sort out how we would go about getting it done. Some take planning too far and plan to such an extent that they never find the favourable circumstance to getting anything done. Others “go with the flow” and disappear at the ebb of a tide.

Whichever extreme one looks at, it will not be amiss to say that the best laid plains can fail. No matter how many post-its one makes, and no matter how extreme the risk analysis can be, the unexpected that happens can at times take ones breath away. At times I sit down and think that a year ago in-spite of all my plans, what is happening now is something I had never fathomed. The good or bad of it is besides the point, when one didn't even expect the thing to exist. And at that very juncture, very point, the realisation that hits one is “Man Proposes, God disposes”.

The thing is once we realise how insignificant we are in-spite of all our resources and intelligence of making plans, we are but puppets in the hands of a higher power. Call it Chi, Ubuntu, God, or the Energy of the universe, we have to admit that there is a higher power. Its amusing at times. Makes one feel that there is a boundary made by an adult, and we as children have just so much space to play about, which we think is a lot. Its not.

Its a humbling experience to know that we do not have as much power as we think we do. We cannot plan each and every eventuality. We can try, but then the trial stops at the point where hope, faith and belief start. I am petrified of losing hope. It is what makes us special amongst all living beings. We have hope for something better. Science and Maths can just do so much. All theories of creationism and mathematical theorems, when all the boxes are ticked and everything 'should' ideally pan like clock work, the smallest matter can have a domino effect.

Hope gives us the ability to live, survive and be strong and plan anew, and it should be guarded as a jealous lover, never to have anyone take it away from us.

So as per last weeks discussion with TA, PP, SW and IG, planning an outing on Monday just makes the first day of the week feel like Friday and the rest of the week just flies by. Hence my tomorrow's to-do list includes planning a bowling out with some interesting people and having the HOPE that I will not be bogged down with some impossible deadline at work! ♥♥♥♥

The Music-Butterfly Effect

So there I am in this sweltering heat in the auto, thinking about Madagascar 3 that I had just watched ( which by the by was wicked!!) and I hear Celine Dion's Titanic OST in my ears. My first reaction is, hmmmm that song wasn't in the movie so why is it my head? Lo and behold it is playing in the car stopped next to my auto at the intersection. Without any second thought my brain rushes to when the same song was playing in Titanic and poor, painfully blonde cute Leonardo is trying to save Rose by drowning his own purty self and how upset that made me! I mean seriously! Aren't actors that cute meant to be alive till the end credits roll?

Another funny thing is how in the new Madagascar movie the 

'circus tune' () 

was playing throughout, leading my train of thought to the fact how I always have that tune in my head, when I do infact tune out! All Homer Simpsons fault to be honest, though the darling circus trick that plays in his head when he “tunes out” on this tune is adorable.

It is no coincidence that we are capable of associating certain tunes to events. Two approaches can be taken to this. Lets start with my favourite- Psychology. The different shades of grey matter up there in our noggin has the entire Freudian concept of conscious and the subconscious whereby certain memories are stored and at times tunes act as a trigger, bringing back those events, helping us remember the aforementioned events in our vast mental repository, to the present and for one split second there I am as a teenager, gawking at the screen, Celine Dion screeching at the back, watching Leonardo's very blonde bangs, drowning. What a pity! 

 The second approach is the more physical science one. Neurologist Oliver Sacks wrote in his book-Musicophilia that earworms are a clear sign of "the overwhelming, and at times, helpless, sensitivity of our brains to music". Which is why recent studies show that playing classical music to a foetus would help incline the child towards being more creative and cultured as he would grow up to remember and associate that music to creativity.

Methinks that we never stop playing the word association game all through our transition from childhood to adulthood. There will always be some scent, or some clip of a song which will remind us of that someone who dedicated that adorably cheesy song to us that one time or some event that we have tagged as a good or an unfortunate one in the vast recesses of our psyche. I was shocked to see my muscles twitch to the Soca tune my Caribbean instructor played when I was going for Soca Aerobics class. It is not just a mental reaction, but the whole being reacts. Involuntary smile I believe is the most personal, a certain warmth of finding an old friend, partially tangible.How many of us actually (and I bet they do) remember all group Abba singing sessions. I remember most of them, and I think they are still many more to come.

Interesting how these tune-association unique ability we have, that allows for interesting conversation starters like-'this one time.......'

This discussion I believe would naturally lead to aroma associations....

Any thoughts?Corresponding read:http://ub-untu.blogspot.in/2012/07/the-door-to-human-psyche-scent.html

The door to the Human Psyche-Scent

http://ub-untu.blogspot.in/2012/07/the-butterfly-effect.html

Waking up this lazy morning with the earthy scent of everything cleansed by the fresh rains is a perfect start to a laid back Sunday. The anticipation of the aroma of a freshly made cup of coffee is already making me smile. This makes me think that if I do keep my eyes closed and just smell everything around for those few minutes, how many can I relate to?

What would obviously top my list would me my flatmates passion of cooking everything in coconut oil, every Sunday morning! Now that is a hard one to miss!

Any given instance, one's sense's are armed for action to see which one will be given preference. The obvious one is sight of course, but the other senses of smell, taste, touch and hearing are more often that not given a back seat, but are more sensitive and acute and need to be tuned to appreciate the finer things in life. A wine tasting is never ideally about the colour, Its about the taste and the aroma. The sound of a powerful opera conjures up far greater images in mind than that which can ever be conveyed on stage.

When we close our eyes, I do believe we 'see' the world around us in a far more beautiful and gorgeous light.

In continuation of the last blog about music and association, the association of events with scent is not merely a happy coincidence but something we are biologically programmed to experience.

A woman's head always rest for support on a mans shoulder for a sense of feeling and comfort. The evolutionary fact of hunter and gatherer aside, the pheromones released from a woman's hair appeals to a mans brain, not only for sexual reasons but as an evolving ape, he associates that smell to someone who is his responsibility to protect and care for. Likewise, Androstenone emanating from a mans shoulder curve triggers a woman's sense of belonging and associates it as someone of her own, lulling her into a sense of comfort and protection. An infant does not up to 8 months recognise any faces, not because it cannot see, but because its senses have not been developed yet. What does take preference in that period, is its sense of smell, most importantly its mothers, which is the most overpowering and associative scent it will retain for the rest of its life.

From all the aromas in the world , I will never forget what my mother's scent or what my grandmother ( may Allah rest her soul) scent was like that sunny afternoon in my childhood when she was cooking for me. My nephew being all of 4 years told me the other day that he was smelling my photograph. As amusing as that may be, its understandable that as I am physically hardly ever in front of him and also that he is in his growing years processing many images daily, the best way for him to retain mine, is my scent, which he will associate not only as his relative but also to all those times I punished and told him off for being naughty. I do hope that is not all he remembers as he grows up!

How do people without sight manage? Understandable that they have the disability, coupled with an acceptance of the unknown, but if we were to do it for a while, I do not think it would really be successful. We have our comfort zone of people who can cushion the first non visual experience, but it would be rather frightening after a while because of all the unknown scent of strange things. A rather interesting experiment to be conducted..hmm

Few scents encountered over time make me feel all gooey and happy any time I think of them, which I will always remember and preserve. In no special order, they are:

1. The waft of freshly baked ginormous cookies at Bens Cookies, Covent Garden, London.
2. How the fresh virgin school book pages smell.
3. Davidoff Cool Blue perfume, because its one of my mums favourite fragrance.
4. 
5. Johnson & Johnson baby products. Smell of perpetual innocence.
6. My favourite store is the whole wide world, Lush in Covent Garden, London. They make handmade body care products, and it is a olfactory mind explosion down there!
7. Smell of petrol.
8. Manly musk , very Alpha Male.
9. Freshly mown grass on a warm English summer day. Ooooooh the possibilities.
10. 
    
    The way strong, black, freshly ground coffee smelled in that small Italian town. The way coffee is supposed to be.
    
11. Love the smell of Henna. So feminine, festive and pretty.

And last but not the least I will never, ever, ever forget the smell of fried fish and cooking oil on some people's clothing ( cannot name the sect for fear of being politically incorrect) , boarding the No.25 bus in East London.The desire to walk all the way to Oxford Circus in order to avoid that smell is to say the least!

Check in all that Baggage and move on

We move but we never move in isolation. Most of us, nay, mostly all of us move with a lot of baggage. We have moved out of our little cribs at home, to university, on to a job, to various relationships carrying all that baggage (physical or emotional) with us all the way. It’s a miracle we can even move an inch forward as the weight bears down on our being.

The picture that comes to my mind is that of a beast of burden. They have been created to carry weight, but that weight is not life long. The baggage is constructive, transitional and for a reason, which is to assist man to transport in an efficient manner. What is our explanation to keep chipping at that chip on our shoulder and preserving all that debris for posterity sake?

To let go can be the most difficult 3 words to actually implement in ones life. Easier said than done, but isn’t it high time to actually sit down with a piece of paper and jot down in caps…”IS IT WORTH IT”?

Different theories of forgive and forget, human kindness, benefit of doubt etc. soften the blow, yes; but as we move forward covering up the pain and grief of broken relationships, failure, angst, anger and regret we push ourselves into a labyrinth so deep, that to get out of it could well be an impossible  task!

Pretty gilded chains of mementos, associative memories, revised-repeated-endless looped justifications of why and when and because are to put simply-USELESS and POINTLESS. In the end the only person one hurts is oneself.  The negativity one carries reflects and screams – Look at me, I am crashing and taking you down with me! God knows people would run away from those signals faster than Usman Bolt!

It hurts, and each memory gnaws at that pain afresh but one needs to gather strength and say-Mate, you just gots to go.

The chains will not fall down dramatically, but at least the hold will loosen. So if it requires deleting some emails, pictures, blocking some people on Facebook, giving away old clothes one will never wear ( because one cannot simply loose all that weight in one go and bellbottoms really have had their time!) or doing something new, So be it! Why not? It is difficult enough to realize how to deal with ones issues in a constructive manner without having to worry about what people would think of any dramatic change! Spring cleaning isn’t only for the wardrobe, it’s for ones life.  Ones Ubuntu.

Some factors in ones life just have to go. One needs to be subjectively selfish in order to grow. As I told one of my pseudo work people “Your negativity is affecting my productivity”. Makes perfect sense to my mind, as his antics were stressing me thereby affecting my interaction with my peers and the energy around me , and that’s baggage I don’t want.  Apparently this direct approach works. Why faff about giving excuses, being politically correct and not fooling anyone. If you have decided to push that factor out of your life, might as well cut all cords.

We as evolving apes are not meant to be beasts of burden. Our bodies and psyche are not meant to deal with undue pressure. There is a reason why there are so many high paid people studying the mess up of the brain. Rather than making a conscious effort of repressing everything, one ought to make a conscious effort to find any positive way and mean to keep oneself happy, to invigorate each day. We owe it to ourselves, to treat ourselves to a slice of happiness, no matter if it’s about scoring a lousy score at bowling with some delightful people and still winning, yay! Or cheering a colleague up and making her smile.

We do what we have to do, to make sense of who we are.

Erykah Badu says it bestJ

Its the thought that counts

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Give gifts to one another, for gifts take away malice.” (Mishkat)

Every culture and religion propagates exchange of gifts between one another. As an evolving ape the custom of exchanging gifts is to portray a sense of belonging to a group/herd and acceptance therein, further strengthening the bond of a cohesive group.

We as individuals are special, and when we receive a gift from someone it is to celebrate and respect that uniqueness and to associate that we mean something and have a place in someone's life, and that we are loved. The power of gift giving and receiving cannot be underestimated. It is probably the best way to show affection and affinity to one another.

If one attaches importance to a gift, it is important, if no thought is attached to something then the most expensive bauble means nothing. Thus its the thought that counts. In today's world no one can actually give another something that cannot be bought by themselves, but if one puts a little thought into the gift, it ends up being rather special and close to the receivers heart.

Being fortunate enough to be loved by some very special people, recently I was given gifts by two friends, which shows their affection and consideration for me.

The Purple Orchid- SW and I are running around town on and off and not actually being able to find a Purple Orchid. Bless my friends heart, I did end up getting this lovely flower finally.

The Homer- PP being a sweetheart that she is, made this super cool Homer bust singing the Homer tune that is my perpetual ' space out' tune.

I have been trying my hand at some calligraphy, and I believe that its an extension of my person if I were to give it as a gift. Hence my recent personalised gifts include a Punjabi religious calligraphy text, a Sanskrit calligraphy text and A verse from the Quran -Nurun Ala Nur ( Light Upon Light)which I made as a birthday gift for a friend whose name in English means light.

I was told one time that the best gift one can be given is Flowers, Perfume and Books. On and off I have received either of them, but one thing that does remain constant in the lead up to when the wrapping actually reveals the gift. The glee is difficult to contain and almost child like. And why shouldn't it be? Shouldn't one show appreciation and gratitude to the though put into by someone giving the gift?

A gift/ hediye/tohfah need not be an object, rather it can be the gift of love, understanding, a sympathetic ear, or just to let someone know they are not alone and can be relied upon. It is a symbol of gratitude, and how many times do we actually show gratitude for all the gifts we have taken for granted? We have been given the Gift of health- we stuff ourselves silly with junk. Gift of youth- and we make the mistake to think it will last forever, Gift of family- which we cannot get rid of soon enough and would rather wile our time in fruitless pursuits, Gift of Intelligence- which we do not explore to its limit and dumb it down to blend in, or just be plain lazy.

Most of all, at this given moment we have the gift of time. No matter how fleeting it might be, one ought to cherish it, and show one's gratitude to people who have contributed positively to our life.

Most Importantly to thank Allah (SWT) , who loves his children more than 70 mothers, and who one ignores to thank each and every day for all that he has given us, is still giving us and will keep giving us. My ultimate favourite sura from the Quran is Surat ar-Rahman (Arabic: سورة الرحمن) the 55th sura of the Qur'an which states "Then which of your Lords blessings would you deny?"

It is a life long process to make up for all my digressions and ingratitude but I want to thank Allah (SWT) for the best gift ever. The gift of parents who are simply perfect, and who are Allah( SWT) extension in my life, for which I am eternally grateful.♥

A must have: Life-o-Meter!

You crowd together with your neighbours and have beautiful words for it. But I tell you : Your love of your neighbour is your bad love of yourselves.

You flee to your neighbour away from yourselves and would like to make a virtue of it : but I see through your 'Selflessness'.

The 'You' is older than the 'I'; the 'You' has been consecrated, but not yet the 'I' : so man crowds towards his neighbour.

You cannot endure to be alone with yourselves and do not love yourselves enough, now you want to mislead your neighbour into love and gild yourselves with his mistake.

I wish rather that you could not endure to be with any kind of neighbour, then you would have to create your friend and his overflowing heart out of yourselves.

-Thus Spoke Zarathustra. ( Friedrich Nietzsche)

And he spoke the truth. How can one expect to have a life, of any sort with another if one doesn't have a life of ones own?

The premise is that we are given a period of time, called 'life' to live. If that period cannot be extended or reduced based on someone/something else, how is that, that someone or something else can become the sole nexus of our own life?

Any social interaction of us as naked apes, is meant to be a barter. We interact because we have something to offer in exchange of whatever the other person has to offer us. Then if we do not have any individuality, any original idea, any character of sorts, then what are we exchanging? We have nothing to offer. We are merely acting as mute audience or mirrors of the other person. What a waste and pity of human potential!

In order to share, at the outset one has to have a life to share! We are so scared and insecure of our own company, that we would go to ridiculous lengths in order to just be around people, who have ready made ideas of how to utilise time, so that we don't have to be creative and take initiative to do something that would better us and make us more comfortable in our skins. Herd instinct is so provincial.

Surrounded by so many people day in day out, how many can we honestly say we would like to actually be with voluntarily? I spoke to AA today, and she has travelled the world, met so many people but the thought of going to the movies by herself is unthinkable to her. She finds it lonesome. Being at one of the cultural capitals of Europe she has not been to one art gallery by herself or spent one alone afternoon reading a book in the park, she would rather spend time with a group of people who are her comfort zone and who she uses as an excuse of not indulging in any individual activity.

Why are we so afraid? Its not the dark, or any phobia, we are scared to have a life of our own. We miss out on so many things which are beautiful, only because either we don't find the company to enjoy it with and god forbid we might actually have to indulge in it by ourselves! Partaking in relationships that we know are destructive to our being, working ridiculous hours in the office because we don't know what to do once home, becoming over critical and negative about others creativity, backbiting, moving away from god, having a holier-than-thou attitude are some of the few signs that the person REALLY needs to get a life of his own.

If I am too busy going to work, listening to music, understanding Neitzsche, learning new forms of calligraphy, finding ways to take pictures with my new camera, looking forward to going to the theatre, and all this is even before the week is half done, I honestly do not have time to stress my Ubuntu with who is with whom, and whose got some new gossip to talk about. If we do what we ought to do, sorting and keeping ones own life is enough hard work, there is' nt much time left to idle gossip and be vengeful and mean.

How can one be comfortable with another, when one is not comfortable with oneself? We do not need a herd to enjoy beautiful Urdu poetry, that is Ghalib's legacy, or look at a Dali, and see how surrealism is all around us or to just read a book and go places in ones mind where ones never been. A healthy personal life is reflected in ones outlook and persona, preventing oneself from being needy and desperate to company of any kind.

I am eternally grateful to Allah and my parents for giving me the ability to understand and appreciate Art, Music, a good cup of coffee, or a simple meal made by someone whose put in a lot of effort in making it. I might not have the finesse or inclination to create these wonderful things, but I am ecstatic to feel the flow of pseudo intellectualism, and to have at least some understanding of the finer things in life. I love the fact that I can appreciate. We as people have infinite ability to learn and evolve which is why we are the smartest apes. We shouldn't follow as a herd, a pathetic wagging of head from one side to another. We are gifted with intelligence and intelligentsia to explore the delicacy and finesse of talent, and that intelligence should not be buried under layers of insecurity and fear of the unknown, which then manifests itself into aggression and just plain awfulness. Boring.

If my interaction with people 'recently' has taught me anything, it is, that if they had a life they wouldn't be so intrusive in others personal life, wouldn't ask daft questions, would have something to talk about rather than office politics and would generally be good company. But I guess that is asking for too much.

So there we were sitting and chatting in a group, and this girl looks at me with such melancholy and remarks that I mustn't have anything to do over the weekend because I do not have a boy friend. Made me think how does a boy friend become a hobby? Knitting or cooking yes, but does one play with ones boyfriend, and pack him up to be take be taken out for funsies again next weekend? GET A LIFE WOMAN ! my brain screamed. In my conscientious contribution to public service, I have made this Life-O-meter.

Methinks everyone should have a smaller version in their bag, and on a weekly basis to assess oneself and implement whether one needs to get a life, work on getting one or just plan improvise. An empty mind is a devils workshop. Simple solution, keep the damn devil busy. Dont give him time to be naughty. I wonder if we can use this test before making friends or getting a boy friend or applying for a job...hmmmmm....

So much to do, such little time.

There is a couplet by Mirza Asadullah Ghalib which says:

Hazaaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dam nikle, Bohat niklay mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle

 Meaning-Thousands of desires, each worth dying for...

 many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more...

And why shouldn't one have a yearning for more? We have but one life to live and so much to learn and so much to see, why shouldn't the heart want to absorb and hurt and yearn afresh for all that this wonderful life of ours has to offer? The logic in my mind is “I might be dead tomorrow”, so today I shall try being a better Muslimah, learn some new words, write a blog, savour the yummy desert my aunty treated me to....

and make plans for bowling this weekend♥♥

All that needs to be said in the end is Inshallah, and that should do it.

Your shoes or mine?

It has been raining incessantly since yesterday and the first thought that comes into my mind..hmmm what will happen to my shoes when I go to work come Monday morning? A very relevant question considering it feels like the city will drown today!

Dealing with water shortage problems and economising on it, made me think what happens to those families who live on the intersection on my way to work? Everyday I see them living their lives, right there in the middle of one of the busiest intersections, caring nothing about the cars which probably could squash the tiny babies running around. Its fascinating and sad and so real to watch them as they watch us. Whose defying whom?

We live our lives complaining and assessing what we have and we don't. We say we empathise with others but do we really? Can one really know what the others shoe fits like? At times I think we don't dwell enough on what the other person is going through, for fear of actually spiralling into depression, or feeling guilt at either the fact that we have a lot to be thankful for, or that we should be ashamed for having more than what the other has. Its a form of condescension really. Hmmming...and hawing...and saying “well ah..what can you do” is our way of moving on and not carrying the baggage forward. Makes sense in a convoluted way to be honest. We cannot give all and force the shoe to fit just so we blend in with all that is sad and morose in the world. That solves nothing.

Watching people interact with MG and seeing how she responds to them made me feel that she's proper scatty, but getting to know her more made me realise she has been going through some tough times which is making her be a bit spaced out. Now its easy to brand her to be slightly odd, but then again does one even bother to find out why? Surely a qualified, young woman would have some reason to be spaced out, some pain she is hiding, but who would really care to find it out?

Aunty and I went to watch this movie over the weekend about a father going lengths to send his son to cricket camp. Now there were some scenes in it that I found too sappy and over the top, but Aunty being a mother herself said that parents do often go lengths to make their children happy, and are so helpless when they cannot fulfil an honest wish of their child. The regret and pain they feel is heart breaking. Not being a parent myself, I tried to think how my parents have unbelievably massive shoes and how far they have walked and still walk to fulfil my wishes. The fact of the matter is I am not even aware of what they've gone through because it has never been impressed upon me. Alhamdullillah, we are fortunate to not to have to step into so many shoes to understand things because we have been blessed not to see the ugly side of so many things.

From pretty little booties to some tough shoes, we have had to change a few pairs in order to fall, get up and walk again. Baby steps. It is not possible to see things the way pained people see things, no matter how much we try to understand it, but it is possible to learn from it.

“Ibrat” is an arabic word, meaning “to be inspired to learn”. The less fortunate, suffering of others, hard times we see ought to teach us, give us Ibrat to appreciate what we have and take for-granted. We have been blessed with so much, mostly the ability to wake up each day and appreciate things, which we more often that not don't do. Each one of us an individuals has so much to be thankful for, that the gratitude should be boundless. We as evolutionary apes are never satiated, which makes us explore and reach for more. That said, no matter how much we have, we will never deem it enough, which will always make us restless and impatient. Giving credit to our natural make up, the only way we could probably survive and be happy would be to look at those who do not have as much as we do and to preserve what we have. There is no harm in wanting and yearning for more, as long as we don't forget what we have in hand.

Makes me remember back in university when I was volunteering with this NGO for teaching under privileged children. There was this one kid, very bright, very intelligent but with a short attention span. I was trying to teach the class about word association and he just wouldn't get it. Turns out he didn't know what a bed was, as he'd never slept in one. I cannot fathom what that kind of depravation feels like.

Further to my previous blog about baggage, there are some thoughts, people, things that need to be left behind in order to move without the weight of the ball and chain, but sifting through all the trash there are some thoughts and people we ought to carry forward to keep us grounded and humane. A mental picture, if we must.

As much as I want to, I cannot move the family at the intersection or adopt the kids to give them a better life, but I will surely try to implement what I read ages ago-

"I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet."

The box is not big enough to hold ones entire being

A man was riding a horse and people pointed at him saying that he is exploiting the poor beast. Heeding their advice, he got off the horse and walked next to it, some still mocked him and stated that if he had a horse why is he walking next to it? So he picked the horse up and carried it on his shoulders, yet he was mocked at being a fool and not utilising the potential of the beast.

I was told this story ages ago, which just brings to light the fact that no matter what we do and how we do it, we will always be mocked at and pointed at for doing it wrong. One will always be too silly, too big, too small, too something or other which will upset someone or the other. How far are we then willing to change ourselves to fit the mould?

We evolve, we grow, we learn and we improvise, and somewhere along the line there are so many changes that occur within our being, that a time will come when we will look at the mirror and not recognise ourselves. We try so hard at pleasing the world, yet we know, for sure, that we never can. But then again we are a part of this world. Either one should be strong enough to turn his back on the world and live as a recluse, or one ought to become so servile that he changes colours constantly as a chameleon, having no identity or individuality of his own.

Nietzsche stated that “Human beings who do not want to belong to the mass need only to stop, and not be comfortable; follow their conscience, which cries out: "Be yourself! All you are now doing, thinking, desiring, is not you yourself."...your educators can be only your liberators...” .

No extreme is good for ones existence. A branch that doesn't sway in a strong wind, breaks. A sense of balance is necessary to understand oneself and to see how far will one go to blend in. The moment an individual makes a statement, and stands up for himself, he is tagged as being the rebel, the black sheep. The group sees that individual as a possible threat and fears insubordination as herd is much easier to control than an individual thought. To go all nihilistic is again an extreme which I do not believe in. The instinctive reaction of one, when everyone around that person wants to stuff his entire being in a box, is of rebellion and anger. One feels the need to defy everything and everyone which again borders on the extreme of self destruction. The best thing I feel is to take a deep breath and walk away!

It is interesting to have an out of body experience in cases where the person across you subtly states that you are not believable as a human being and that your mother is to blame to birth an imperfection as yourself. Each and everyone of us is told this at some point or the other in our lives, by a friend, boy friend, at work or any other mature instance. It is a good exercise to zone out and see the two people involved as a third person and just listen. There are not many who will say things to genuinely help, but most will just say because they can. One is to sift the good out of the many words said. Listen to what the person has to say and how the person is saying it, and then let it go.

Defending oneself I've seen doesn't really help, because at that point every single statement one makes will be seen as defensive and offensive. As evolving apes when faced with opposition of any kind, the whole body and the nervous system tenses up for action and reaction. When the body is not allowed to manifest that summing up of resources in a physical manner, the energy thus summoned needs to be exposed in some other way. To look at this instance in a purely impersonal manner, we see that an individual is being opposed, and this opposition in today's world is more often that not, in a verbal manner. Now the opposition is there, so the mind and body react. The vigourous blood flow in the body readying it for action, is a biological reaction to the situation, but nothing can be done at that time, because to be honest, one cannot hurl oneself across the room and punch the living daylights out of the person pointing fingers at one.

 All said and done about being diplomatic, constructive criticism, body language etc., the reaction of the body tensing, cheek flushing, anger welling up inside is a biological reaction which cannot be ignored, but we as social animals need to control that reaction and let go of it in a constructive manner so that the repercussions of such opposition and conflict do not destroy all one has worked hard at to achieve.

It was narrated that Abu Dharr said: The Messenger of Allaah (PBUH) said to us: “If one of you gets angry when he is standing, let him sit down, and if that does not take away his anger, then let him lie down. He should get out of the situation he is in, so that his anger will dissipate because of his moving away from that situation.”

The best thing to do when one is that riled up is to say nothing at all and take time to calm down. We owe to ourselves to take time out and approach a situation when we are good and ready to deal with it. Anger shows the true colour and depth of ones nature. One should avoid saying things when one is angry. I have seen people deal with temper in a wide variety of ways. Whether its doing laundry, working out or punching a bag, who cares? What works (as long as it is not destructive) works. When angry or upset, keeping to myself and taking time for a long walk and to take stock of the situation seems to work for me. 

As a reasonable amount of time passes, the situation that deemed so serious and upsetting when it happened, just loses its importance and can be dealt with it in a better and constructive manner.


The fact that one exists will be a cause of negativity and opposition for someone or the other all through ones life. Makes sense to find a way to deal with such opposition and to be able to live with ourselves. Its not for them that we accept who we are, but it is for our own selves. Our happiness is ideally in our own hands. When we work so hard to get a tiny piece of it, why let anyone take it away from us?

Reminds me of a poem in my childhood- “This little shining light of mine, I'm going to let it shine, let it shine, all the time, let it shine. Hide it under a bush, Oh No!  Im going to let it shine, let it shine all the time, let it shine.” 

And let it shine I shall.♥

Of footprints in sand and stone.

Home videos are adorable to watch and I watched one such video this morning of a pretty mother playing with her children on the beach, frolicking about.The pretty mother just so happens to be the Queen of England and she is playing with baby Prince Charles. This video will be released on BBC as part of the Queen’s Jubilee celebration. Now I don’t know the Queen, don’t think I ever actually saw her, but I still awww’ed when I saw her in the video, and if she dies tomorrow I will feel sad and a twinge to lose this emblem of monarchy, a symbol so to say of something that represents not only a name but an institution of greatness which we can only aspire to. The point of the monarchy repressing the masses, an old relic etc. is not the point here. End of or decline of any great achievement or phenomenon does affect one no matter how hard one tries to deny it.

We cannot say for certain where we are going if we do not know where we come from. The past whether recalled by oneself or reminisced by someone else holds a romanticism which is delicate, almost tangible. One always seems to recall the good instances, because the present has enough bad bits as it is, so if one is to go back in time and remember ‘what was’ the bad bits are always edited. Khalil Gibran said “The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves”

Humans are a unique, unbelievably fantastic specie. Our accomplishments are universal accomplishments of sorts. The unity that comes forth on a momentous occasion when we unite in spite of all our differences is breathtaking. We rejoice at the rise and are solemn at the fall.

Aunty and I went to watch this play last week and I was the first one to notice that the descript old man on a wheelchair is Indian celebrity of yester years Shashi Kapoor.  Looking at him made me feel a deep melancholy. This man was so dashing, so handsome in his prime years. His handle bar mustache in Junoon still makes me go oooo, and there he was, sitting in front of me in a wheel chair, partly paralyzed watching everyone as they hardly noticed him at first. What I didn’t ‘see’ was the old man, what fascinated me was the life he has led, the things he had seen. His accomplishments, his handsomeness, his fan following has no contribution from me, but to see him as I saw him made me relate to him in some way. I wanted to leave the play and to sit down and talk to him, to feel a pseudo celebrity by association, the same way the crowd rushes to touch an ascetic’s garment. Maybe that touch would rub some spirituality, some magic off on them (Purification by association).

“See how the mighty fall”.

Even a person one despises and would wish downfall to, when that downfall does happen, how can one not feel sadness. We need an object to despise, to project onto, helps us to live with ourselves. Regret of failure ( not social but personal) lingers in the deep recesses of our psyche, and that regret projects onto a successful manager at work, actors on the screen, well off family members, better looking friends, to name a few. The point is not that we can or cannot achieve what these symbols of our negativity represent. The point isn’t about what they have done to achieve it. The point is that at that given instance we are not where they are. And that doesn’t bode well. No, not at all. Having said that, if these spiraling stars were to stop sparkling, if Shashi Kapoor did not have that sadness in his eyes when he looked at the crowd treating him as an object to be gawked at, its almost a personal loss burdened with a heavy heart, momentarily maybe, but sad nonetheless.

Achievements and pinnacles denote hope (a carrot hanging in front of the rabbit, if we must). Fall of the mighty remind us of our mortality. If what we aspire to, loathe to love and brand as invincible, can fall and be old and helpless like the rest of us common folk, then what hope do we have? The Pharaoh was, as he proclaimed, the lord of the morning and the evening sun, he transcended the realms of being a man, and became almost a fascinating light to be trembled before. He was buried in a sarcophagus, where his tomb was plundered by dozens of tribes, and now his mummy sits on some archeologists table, and his entails are studied by a bunch of fascinated students. Look how the mighty fall.

The rise and fall is who we are. We rise or ride on the celebrity of others, but we ought not to mock their fall. They fell because they reached a height, who are we then to mock them when we never rose from the ground? Placate ourselves if we must with pointless explanations, but who are we trying to make a fool of? Sift and grasp. One must look at the achievements and aspire to it and not belittle it, just because the object of our fascination happens to be human.

Quran 49:11-12 ‘Let not a group mock another group; it maybe that these are better than they’

My granddad is one of the most remarkable person I have had the fortune of knowing. Grandad has travelled the world, made friends with celebrities, has had a handle bar moustache which would be an envy to any Hungarian and told the village council man off, wore macs when they were the height of fashion, learnt German when he had a strong Indian accent to his English and now he writes Urdu poetry, has an attention span of a 3 year old and is ready to travel with anyone and everyone, but given a chance wouldn’t even venture for a movie out of sheer laziness. The family elders see him as someone old, who needs to pushed “to do” things, they feel the need to say that he has to be more active and condescend him. I resent that. I see him as someone who has been there done that. He has done more than most of us get to do in a lifetime. He doesn’t need to be pitied, the same way as Shashi Kapoor doesn’t need the ‘poor guy’ speech. Men like these should hold audience and regale us with fascinating stories of ‘what was’ and what can be.

Some people are like footprints on the sand, with each wave their existence is washed away. Others like my Grandad leave footprints on stone, which can fade away, yet will never be washed away.

Woooosah.....

Urban Dictionary defines Woosah As.-to calm down and relax.
I was proper Woosah on that tiny boat on Hooghly river that gorgeous evening with AS, with the gentle ripple of the water against old bengali music. It’s amazing how poetic one gets when one is that relaxed. It’s almost poignant.


 It’s a jungle out there, literally! It’s hard enough to be able to pay constant attention to all the words around us; it’s even harder to pay attention to that soft voice inside oneself. Silence! As life gets busier we need a sanctum sanctorum, created by a conscious effort to be able to get some Woosah time.


Living most of my adult life as a modern Bedouin, it has not been possible to have a constant comfort place, which I can call my happy place. As and when I have acclimatized myself to new surroundings, it has become imperative for me to find a place/time/state of mind to be in my happy place. It’s a burgeoning need for every individual to have a place to calm down in which is uber personal and just about oneself. No intruders please!


My recent happy place seems to be this wicked restaurant town side which has sand spread on the floor and has a view of the beach. It makes me feel like being on holiday and the place is so purty! I spent almost an entire day at work, mentally being at my happy place.  We go extreme lengths to calm ourselves and to deal with the pressure of getting by each day.  The earliest sanctum sanctorum of a human is in its mother’s womb. The womb is a symbol of protection and comfort. This sense is emulated in adult life when one retreats into a fetal position when scared or upset. To cuddle with a loved one is also a symbol of fetus as it provides sense of protection and comfort.

Ages ago, AA told me that he closes his ears under a running shower to block out all noise and to be in suspension of white noise. Those few minutes to him were a crucial necessity as it helped him focus his center. Ideally the noise is not on the outside, the cacophony is within oneself. To stay sane one needs a balance of that inner noise and calm. To center and balance ones Ubuntu, people meditate, go to retreats, and create a 20 minute noise cancellation bubble which is amongst many ways to relax. The point is to make some “ME” time.

Shifting and creating new sanctum sanctorum’s, I have always had this idea of the ultimate Woosah time in my mind which I will Inshallah soon implement. So, the idea is that it’s a tiny room with 2 walls having a shelves packed with books from the roof to the floor and the third wall of glass, overlooking a koi pond/indoor garden or a high-rise. There will be a ginormous one seating sofa in which one can just sink in with a tiny coffee table next to it and a massive coffee mug. Smell of books, a comfy sofa and coffee. Ummmm Nirvana! What more does one need?

Even now in the middle of a work day, this thought of something so personal gives me an immediate sense of relaxation and calm. I don’t have the resources to have my ideal sanctum sanctorum as of now, but I am happy to make do by being at the sea side, listening to waves wash ashore.

Peace and calm is, after all, all in the mind.

Rafiqi- Birds of a feather, flock toghether ♥

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

                                                                                  -Kahlil Gibran

Every month or so, there are times when I deeply miss some special friends in my life. That's not to say I don't usually miss them or my other friends, but at that given point in time I think of all the moments I have spent with them, the difference of opinions we have had, and most of all how different all these friends are compared to me. Be it background, way of approaching matters or beliefs, the people I happen to be closest to are very diverse, and perhaps that is the main reason why I am close to them. To be honest, why would one want to be mates with ones clones? I don't think I could actually stand if someone were to be alike me. Though I have to admit, all my friends do happen to have a streak of controlled insanity which is very appealing to me, maybe because I can relate to the chaos and vice versa.

I have been infinitely blessed to have met and be cared for and pampered by some very special people in my life, and if I were to sit and write about them all, it would have to be a book and not a blog! Hence I shall write about a few friends restricting the time period to the past one year spanning from the longest association to the shortest one.

AS

• Always placated me.
• One of the only person I know who sat down and explained to me the workings of a Bullet Enfield engine.
• Has a weird fascination with heels and guns:)
• Always appreciated my cooking and Saif Ali Khan's abuses in Omkara.
• Got better marks in exams using 'MY' notes at the 11^th hour.
• One of the two people I have been in touch over the years.
• Has some serious brand loyalty.

TAH

• A brilliant dancer born with rhythm
• Will never ever ever forget TAH's presence during some very tough times. A wall of comfort.♥
• Unearthly hour of learning the shuffle in the parking lot. Still don't know how to do it right though.
• Very sensible and calm.
• Amazing appetite
• An interesting approach to getting phone numbers within 5 minutes when on a bus.
• Fascinating insistence to stay till the end credits roll in a movie.
• Family ♥

AS ( The very colorful one)

• AS's passion and zest for culture and Calcutta is dangerously infectious.
• The red AS fancies is so bright that with some extra light it can be seen from the moon!
• We negate each others oddity ♥
• Comfort in own skin, and dangly blingy thingi's is fascinating
• One of the only person I know who is more worried about getting food to eat on the train at an unearthly hour rather than the safety or the arrival of the train!
• Crying shoulder for a whole bunch of people in a whole bunch of languages.
• Takes holidays to visit temples in every nook and cranny of the holy world!
• Very in your face! I love it:)

AMH (AJ)

When writing about AJ I am actually lost for words. Anger, affection, down right irritability are a few things that come to mind. Lets see if I can be coherent about this one...

• Possessive about cutlery
• Has a very strong opinion about Vanilla Indian men.
• Has an annoying habit of calling right about the time I am thinking about something related to AJ.
• Represses way too much.
• Has some weird fascination with cheque shirts and plimsols.
• Ginormous appetite.
• Doesn't like answering house phones.

When talking about friends I cannot, simply cannot forget my 3 wonderful Italian friends. They truly live up to the expectation that Italians are one of the most friendly, loving and hospitable people. These 3 people, who are very romantic by nature, highly qualified, red trouser wearing, skiing and leg breaking and looking unbelievably gorgeous at an unexpected stage in life, are remarkable people and my friends.

GO

• Red trousers never looked so good on anyone else.
• Had a passion to learn English words that always made me smile.

GVB

• Has a very difficult list of what qualities a partner ought to have.
• Has some very gorgeous Gucci bags
• An excellent driver who almost drove me to Switzerland without me having a visa!

LJ

• I never did quite understand LJ's whole fascination with Indian men.
• Needs to work on the shuffle dance:)
• Has an amazing positive attitude

These short words don't even begin to describe the wonderful, diverse and immensely talented personalities of these people, yet the above mentioned are a few things that always make me smile when thinking about them.

Having said that I know for sure that at some point or the other I will get mad at them and start getting annoyed at this blog, but to be honest I know for sure that as my mates they are already familiar with this whacky trait of mine and have learnt to live it it.

As Kahlil Gibran wrote-

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

                                                           ♥