You crowd together with your neighbours and have beautiful words for it. But I tell you : Your love of your neighbour is your bad love of yourselves.
You flee to your neighbour away from yourselves and would like to make a virtue of it : but I see through your 'Selflessness'.
The 'You' is older than the 'I'; the 'You' has been consecrated, but not yet the 'I' : so man crowds towards his neighbour.
You cannot endure to be alone with yourselves and do not love yourselves enough, now you want to mislead your neighbour into love and gild yourselves with his mistake.
I wish rather that you could not endure to be with any kind of neighbour, then you would have to create your friend and his overflowing heart out of yourselves.
-Thus Spoke Zarathustra. ( Friedrich Nietzsche)
And he spoke the truth. How can one expect to have a life, of any sort with another if one doesn't have a life of ones own?
The premise is that we are given a period of time, called 'life' to live. If that period cannot be extended or reduced based on someone/something else, how is that, that someone or something else can become the sole nexus of our own life?
Any social interaction of us as naked apes, is meant to be a barter. We interact because we have something to offer in exchange of whatever the other person has to offer us. Then if we do not have any individuality, any original idea, any character of sorts, then what are we exchanging? We have nothing to offer. We are merely acting as mute audience or mirrors of the other person. What a waste and pity of human potential!
In order to share, at the outset one has to have a life to share! We are so scared and insecure of our own company, that we would go to ridiculous lengths in order to just be around people, who have ready made ideas of how to utilise time, so that we don't have to be creative and take initiative to do something that would better us and make us more comfortable in our skins. Herd instinct is so provincial.
Surrounded by so many people day in day out, how many can we honestly say we would like to actually be with voluntarily? I spoke to AA today, and she has travelled the world, met so many people but the thought of going to the movies by herself is unthinkable to her. She finds it lonesome. Being at one of the cultural capitals of Europe she has not been to one art gallery by herself or spent one alone afternoon reading a book in the park, she would rather spend time with a group of people who are her comfort zone and who she uses as an excuse of not indulging in any individual activity.
Why are we so afraid? Its not the dark, or any phobia, we are scared to have a life of our own. We miss out on so many things which are beautiful, only because either we don't find the company to enjoy it with and god forbid we might actually have to indulge in it by ourselves! Partaking in relationships that we know are destructive to our being, working ridiculous hours in the office because we don't know what to do once home, becoming over critical and negative about others creativity, backbiting, moving away from god, having a holier-than-thou attitude are some of the few signs that the person REALLY needs to get a life of his own.
If I am too busy going to work, listening to music, understanding Neitzsche, learning new forms of calligraphy, finding ways to take pictures with my new camera, looking forward to going to the theatre, and all this is even before the week is half done, I honestly do not have time to stress my Ubuntu with who is with whom, and whose got some new gossip to talk about. If we do what we ought to do, sorting and keeping ones own life is enough hard work, there is' nt much time left to idle gossip and be vengeful and mean.
How can one be comfortable with another, when one is not comfortable with oneself? We do not need a herd to enjoy beautiful Urdu poetry, that is Ghalib's legacy, or look at a Dali, and see how surrealism is all around us or to just read a book and go places in ones mind where ones never been. A healthy personal life is reflected in ones outlook and persona, preventing oneself from being needy and desperate to company of any kind.
I am eternally grateful to Allah and my parents for giving me the ability to understand and appreciate Art, Music, a good cup of coffee, or a simple meal made by someone whose put in a lot of effort in making it. I might not have the finesse or inclination to create these wonderful things, but I am ecstatic to feel the flow of pseudo intellectualism, and to have at least some understanding of the finer things in life. I love the fact that I can appreciate. We as people have infinite ability to learn and evolve which is why we are the smartest apes. We shouldn't follow as a herd, a pathetic wagging of head from one side to another. We are gifted with intelligence and intelligentsia to explore the delicacy and finesse of talent, and that intelligence should not be buried under layers of insecurity and fear of the unknown, which then manifests itself into aggression and just plain awfulness. Boring.
If my interaction with people 'recently' has taught me anything, it is, that if they had a life they wouldn't be so intrusive in others personal life, wouldn't ask daft questions, would have something to talk about rather than office politics and would generally be good company. But I guess that is asking for too much.
So there we were sitting and chatting in a group, and this girl looks at me with such melancholy and remarks that I mustn't have anything to do over the weekend because I do not have a boy friend. Made me think how does a boy friend become a hobby? Knitting or cooking yes, but does one play with ones boyfriend, and pack him up to be take be taken out for funsies again next weekend? GET A LIFE WOMAN ! my brain screamed. In my conscientious contribution to public service, I have made this Life-O-meter.
Methinks everyone should have a smaller version in their bag, and on a weekly basis to assess oneself and implement whether one needs to get a life, work on getting one or just plan improvise. An empty mind is a devils workshop. Simple solution, keep the damn devil busy. Dont give him time to be naughty. I wonder if we can use this test before making friends or getting a boy friend or applying for a job...hmmmmm....
So much to do, such little time.
There is a couplet by Mirza Asadullah Ghalib which says:
Hazaaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dam nikle, Bohat niklay mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle
Meaning-Thousands of desires, each worth dying for...
many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more...
And why shouldn't one have a yearning for more? We have but one life to live and so much to learn and so much to see, why shouldn't the heart want to absorb and hurt and yearn afresh for all that this wonderful life of ours has to offer? The logic in my mind is “I might be dead tomorrow”, so today I shall try being a better Muslimah, learn some new words, write a blog, savour the yummy desert my aunty treated me to....
All that needs to be said in the end is Inshallah, and that should do it.
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